The nighttime breezes brushed Charles’s fur as he sat in the dark, waiting. Waiting as he had been for months. Waiting for a special moment. The most special moment of his life.
Suddenly, he heard pawsteps coming from down the alleyway. Out of the shadows emerged a muscular figure, certainly a pitbull or mastiff mix, though Charles wouldn’t dare ask.
“You got the cash?” The beast’s rumbling voice echoed violently off the walls, even though he was clearly making an effort to whisper. Charles pushed the stack of bills toward the giant without hesitation. A sum enough to buy weeks’ worth of organic biscuits. He then pushed over a small, mysterious pouch.
“The map of the area is inside; I need you to sneak in tonight and hide the goods exactly where marked, with precision. Leave no trace, and I’ll add in another 50% after the job is done.” Small and vulnerable as he was, Charles still spoke with confidence in the presence of the mighty beast. He barely even blinked when the large paw thumped down on the cash, pulling it away.
“Consider it done.” And the beast slipped back into the shadows.
The dog park was chaotic as ever. Packs zooming around in a frenzied sprint, strangers sniffing butts and making acquaintances, owners chasing their humping “children.” Charles was waiting in the cool shadow of a small, lonely tree when Cleo finally arrived at the gate with her sister, Scarlet.
“My love!” yapped Charles, heart fluttering with anticipation. Cleo ran over, and the couple kissed and frolicked for a few minutes.
“You’re amazing Cleo. Amazingly sexy, amazingly kind. And you know what you do amazingly as well? Dig holes. Word on the street is, that asshole Retriever who walks around like he owns the park buried his favorite bone right by that bush over there… I’m too small to dig that deep. Would you help me get it out?”
“Yes, yes, yes my love, I am passionate about holes and passionate about you! Right away!” Cleo sprinted to the spot that Charles pointed out and immediately got to work.
Dirt flew every which way, spraying a few unsuspecting loiterers. It didn’t take long for the hole to get sufficiently deep… and suddenly, something in the depths caught the sunlight, and shined into Cleo’s eyes.
“What is this? I don’t think this is a bone, Charles…” said Cleo. No, it wasn’t a bone. It was a large ring. While her face had been buried in the hole with focus, Charles had taken the opportunity to grab a hidden rose and bring it to his lover, bowing down. The special moment had finally come.
Cleo gasped as she spotted her poofball staring up at her with intense love.
“Baby, you dug a hole to my heart, and I dig you. I want to take this journey with you to China and beyond. Will you marry me?”
Not a second went by before Cleo leaned down to her lover, licked his face like a jumbo-sized ice cream cone, and screamed:
Charles helped her put the ring on, and all the bitches at the park glared on in envy as Cleo pranced around with the glow of a happily engaged young woman.